I’ve always said that life is a rollercoaster. Take in each moment as it comes. Savor the good times, and when the shit
hits the fan, keep moving forward… it will get better.
I’ve been in transition over the last 18 months, becoming
more alive, aware and present in body and mind. My daughter caught me one morning, lost in the moment,
looking out into our backyard with a peaceful, happy gaze. “What are you smiling about?”, she
asked. I didn’t even realize I was
smiling. It’s just that I was so
completely happy. Life was
good. Family was good. Future was good. I told her that I was just taking it
all in, with gratitude, because I know that life is full of ups and downs, and
I was loving the moment.
That was six months ago. Just a couple weeks after that, my world was completely
turned upside down. Shattered. I can only compare it to a sudden death
of a loved one. Slowly, I’ve been
picking up the pieces and trying to make sense of it all. I’m not going to share the details of
my personal tragedy, as I don’t believe it serves any good purpose. We all go through shit in our
lives. While it’s important to
have someone close to talk to, it’s not cool to air your dirty laundry in
public.
It’s not the first time I’ve had a “holy-shit-this-cannot-possibly-be-my-life”
kind of event. When I was 30 I became a single mom of 2 beautiful, young
children. I spent a lot of
time asking “Why me?” “What
had I done…what had my kids done to deserve this?” Now, I’m sad, I hurt, but I have far too much love in me and
around me to dwell on the sadness and pain. The growth I’ve experienced over the past 18 months has
given me the ability to see beyond circumstances. My faith is strong.
My future is bright. More
importantly is this present moment, because that’s all we really ever
have. Right now is what’s
real. Right now life is good. Right now has it’s share of headaches
and heartaches, but fully feeling them is good. Right now I’m thankful for my family, my friends, my
teachers, my guardian angel, and the spirit of the living God that is alive and
well within me. Even in shitty
circumstances, I just can’t help but shine.
Then, I’ll get a call from a friend, and from a loving place
they’ll ask how I’m doing.
Sometimes that’s all it takes and I’m a puddle. Not of sadness, but of love. My teacher Kerri described it
perfectly… “It’s like pouring love into a wound.” It is exactly that.
My life is so richly blessed with amazing people. Just when I need it, I am touched by a
friend, or a stranger, or a reading that totally speaks to me. I believe those connections and
messages are there for all of us if we are open to them. That’s the way this crazy universe works. So, forward I go, heart wide open. The coaster is clicking its way up to
the top of a hill and I can’t see the tracks ahead, but I’m confident it’s
going to be one amazing ride.
This photo is of my incredibly beautiful & talented daughter Hailey.
She has a big heart, and this pic is a great reminder to lead with your heart.
