Trust

I’ve been thinking a lot about trust these days.  I’m a pretty trusting person.  I tend to take people for their word.  I’ve always been someone who says what I mean, I speak the truth, and I hold the same expectation of others.  I know that isn’t always the case.  I trust anyway.

I am very trustworthy.  I'm a good listener, and people trust me with their innermost thoughts.  Those who know me well, know and trust that what they share with me stays with me.  There are very few people of whom I trust completely.  I actually think this is as it should be. 

Then there’s trust at the deepest level.  Reliance.  When you don’t even consider the matter of trust, because you just know.  Through a deep connection, you rely, trust, from your core. 

When basic trust is broken, say, an untruth spoken, 

I can usually see behind the scenes, some insecurity, pain, or brokenness.  I try not to take it personally.  I push back my trust zone for that individual, but I go on trusting people.

When trust is violated at the deepest level, it can totally rock your world.  It has.  But how has it changed how I trust people?  I don’t know if I can fully answer that question.  Right now, I can say that trust is a choice.  Choosing to not trust people just isn’t even in my DNA.  I may listen with a more cautious ear, or unconsciously go along with what you might say to me, even if I’m not completely trusting it as truth. 

I’ve had trust violated in long-term friendships and relationships.  This kind of violation shakes me to my core.  In some cases, it’s a deal-breaker. It can forever change the way I trust that person, but it doesn’t change how I trust all people.  I still choose trust.  You extend it, nurture it, and grow it into something deep and meaningful.  Some may say that if you can’t trust someone you’ve known intimately for years, you can’t trust anyone.  The way I see it is, you have to start any relationship with trust, an openness to what is possible.  I won’t allow my faith in humanity to be broken by the imperfections of human beings. 

Ernest Hemingway once said, “The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.”  Amen Ernie.  Open up and trust.  It’s the only way to live this beautiful, messy, unpredictable life. 

Don’t just do something, sit there.

Yogic transformation.  Inquiry. Inquiry. Inquiry.  Spend a week dedicated to inquiry, meditation and practice, and you’re likely going to see some aspects of self that could use some fixing.  I just spent a week at Menla Mountain Retreat for Baptiste Power Yoga Institute Level 2 Teacher Training.  So what did I learn?...

I am a concern for looking good.  Do you like me? Do you like me? Do you like me?

It’s the unanswerable question that I take with me all…of…the time.  We all have one that plays in the background of our minds.  Am I good enough?  Do I belong here? Just give it a little thought.  Bam, there it is.  And how ridiculous it sounds. Even more ridiculous is how we fuel the need to know the answer to that question.  It forms how we listen, speak, interact, our way of being, and it doesn’t mean squat. 

We have this crazy need for everything to mean something.  Try this on.  Remove meaning, judgment, significance, and just be with your experience.  We humans are so good at creating story around EVERYthing.  We can add meaning to the way someone looks at you, or doesn’t, what someone said, or didn’t.  We create reality out of bullshit stories. 

So, how to “fix” you?  Start by not trying to fix anything. When you know yourself, you can shift patterns… transform. Real transformation is the ability to let things be.  Observe, see how things show up, be in the moment with your experience without past cluttering your view.  Let it be.  Now, drop the past and all those “I’m this way” stories, and choose a new way of being.  Grounded being. Clear slate. Be in the now, and you’ll know how. 

This present moment. It’s all that we have, moment by moment.  The more present we are, as teacher, parent, friend, human being, the richer our lives will become.  Only then can you really experience the experience.  I taught two classes yesterday, and I’ve never felt more grounded and present with my students.  Each and every one.  This is a great gift.

Level 2 was full of lots of other nuggets, insights and truths.  The coolest thing about the experience was getting to know some pretty amazing people on their journey, sharing from their essence, making the program so powerful.  Witnessing transformation before your eyes is so incredible.  I shed a lot of tears, and my capacity to love and let people in has expanded.  Playing small and holding back are simply not options anymore. 

Right now, my new way of being is of strength and possibility.  I’m giving up the lies that I’m alone, and I’m not good enough.  Screw that!  This is who I am. 
(Level 2 declaration, pre Magic Carpet Ride!)